A list of things that showed that I was in a state of depression or mental breakdown in early 2018. If something similar occurs in the future, I hope I will be conscious enough to notice it.
- Impossible to focus on tasks
- Addictions to my smartphone
- Addiction to Youtube
- Addiction to online blitz chess. I was playing for hours without even enjoying it.
- Hard to learn new things. I stayed in Sweden for a year without learning any Swedish.
- Didn’t enjoy eating. I was either eating pizzas, sushis, or cooking very basic meals, mostly pasta and frozen things.
- Had no faith in what I was doing
- Thought that everybody was judging what I was doing. I was adjusting my behaviour accordingly instead of thinking about what I wanted to do for myself.
- I wasn’t paying attention to my body. I was literally injured (right arm not folding and hurting) and it took me very long to go to a professional and fix it.
- I wasn’t cleaning the apartment or taking the trash out.
- I couldn’t write anything authentic or positive article.
- I would work on something on my own for a few days and switching to something else, without focus.
- I would try and find excuses about why I wasn’t efficient (like “the noise stops me from sleeping”)
- Dandruff (scratching my he head a lot)
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